partybarackisinthehousetonight:
pro tip: fill the piñata with absolutely nothing to prepare your kids for the letdowns of adulthood
my mom is trying to pick a colour for her new wheelchair and me and my dad are telling her to get black and she’s just like “but how will I know if someone is stealing it” and my dad is just like “because you’ll be sitting on the floor” and she slapped him
- me: *sick*
- me: *goes on the computer*
- parents: OH I GUESS SINCE YOU'RE ON THE COMPUTER IT MEANS THAT YOU'RE PERFECTLY 100% BETTER NOW GO TO SCHOOL AND GRADUATE AND GET A JOB AND GET MARRIED AND DIE
how am i gonna become an adult i dont even know how to make a signature
why the fuck cant we text the police
lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you
Relevant
i want to be your friend but i’m nervous and annoying: a novel by me
(Source: seawhim)
money is so stupid and unnessecary we’re meat creatures on a rock floating in space and out entire lives are dominated by little bits of paper
(Source: an-egg)
